@BeardedRambles: There's either a cat with a lampshade on its head here or I'm really drunk.
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@lindseyallen: Hate eating nachos with someone at the theater and our fingers touch. Especially if I don't know them, and they don't know we're sharing.
@LaLuchaNix: [Pulling brother's life support plug] *whispers in ear* "This is for that time you cheated at Monopoly."