@o__0Dev: There’s no logical reason for shorts to be the same price as pants.
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@Brianhopecomedy: Bought an ice cream cake and the cashier told me to keep it in the freezer until serving as it will melt. I gotta start dressing smarter.
@annadrezen: My friend offered me a free pole dance class. I said no. With my debt, the last thing I need to find out is that I'm great at pole dancing.
@DurtMcHurtt: Make new friends by waking up strangers with forehead kisses after they've fallen asleep on the train.
@kirkdiedrich: The guy behind the counter asked me what I wanted on my sub and I said a collar and restraints and now I'm not allowed in Subway.