@motrboatr: There's no toilet paper in this stall so I guess I live here now.
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@jdforshort: 6 made coffee for me this morning, I'm now thinking that she can never move out of the house
@CulturedRuffian: Thankful public education taught us Algebra instead of how to do taxes. Because 2 things are certain: 1) Death 2) The Pythagorean Theorem
@jonnycarr1974: Him: I'll hold your hair while you throw up Her: *throws up* Him: *throws up in her hair*
@theshamingofjay: Cop: did you do it? Me: no Cop: you know it's truthful Tuesday right? Me: it's actually Wednesday Cop: damn it, who's your crush then