@Tups13: There's no use crying over spilt milk. Particularly skimmed milk. Skimmed milk is watery enough without you sobbing into it.
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@FrenulumBreve: HIM: [awkwardly] wanna go see a movie? HER: sure, sounds great. [next day] HIM: could i maybe come with you next time?
@TimDuffy: Thanksgiving is going to be hard this year because half my family dances to remember and the other half dances to forget.
@TheDairylandDon: [drops capsule in woman's drink] Maybe when that's finished, we can get out of here? [green sponge dinosaur grows out of glass] Ready to go?
@Midgetspar: Remember: You can kill someone and wear their skin as a suit, but it's not identity theft until you use their debit card. Be smart about it.