@just1fool: There's nothing more pathetic than asking a random woman if she'll sleep with you unless it works because then you're a genius.
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@tbhjustkoaIa: i love when people apologize to me about their rooms being dirty I’m just like lmao u should see my life
@DurtMcHurtt: Me: *quickly flips through each layer of a Big Mac like a wad of cash* McDonald's employee: [nervously assuring me] it's all there I swear.
@KKAlThani: Kim and Kanye are now planning to have their wedding in Egypt. See Egyptians, things could always be worse.