@brittwastaken: There's only two ways to do things: the easy way or the way I'm actually going to end up doing it.
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@Sultani_Sails: Sorry I called the police when I saw you running, I didn't know you did that for fun.
@Classy_Cassy89: If the people in your car don't match the stick figures on your rear window, I'll report your vehicle stolen.
@squirrel74wkgn: [looking at pregnancy test] Her: Well, it’s positive...so weird Me: [Flashback to using car keys to open condom wrapper]...so weird