@nerdamage: There's plenty of deeply disturbed fish in the sea.
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@BreachingBad: She : You have a girlfriend. Me : No. I had. She : Where did she go? Me : She Ransomware.
@Reverend_Scott: WIFE: Why is the zoo calling us about a missing coyote? ME: [bleeding profusely] So... not a dog
@shondarhimes: Calling Sony comments"racially insensitive remarks" instead of "racist"? U can put a cherry on a pile of sh*t but it don't make it a sundae.
@shegotagronk: Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice, shame on me. Fool me 53 times a day, you're an Instagram filter.