@SortaBad: There's something strangely unsettling about the petting zoo selling hamburgers.
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@TheDailySchmuck: Every time I'm the only black person at a party I think: "Wow. I helped them make quota."
@SeeEllVee: Just watched a guy walk out of the tanning place and immediately light a cigarette. Slow down, buddy. Don't get all the cancer today!
@WoodyLuvsCoffee: I call bullshit, airport baby changing station! I wanted an Asian baby but I'm stuck with the white kid I flew in with.
@Reverend_Scott: If I were a superhero, I'd be Pizza Man. My one-liners would be cheesy, and I'd save you in 30 min or less, or your next criminal is free.