@PaulyPeligroso: They call Japan the "Land of the Rising Sun". Is that why they look like they're squinting all the time?
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@ThaJawn: God: *holding a cat by its scruff* WHO MADE THIS? Resentful Angel: I don't know. You didn't? God: NO, it hates me and people Angel: weird
@iLikeCatShirts: Me [to my friends]: No one ever invites Gary out because he always has some strange contraption. *Gary pole vaults past us*
@ficklenuts: Me: “Alexa, put on some jazz and pour me a drink.” My daughter, Alexandra: “Stop calling me that! Crap like this is why I live with Dad!”
@brennadine: Thought it would be romantic to recreate the 12 Days of Christmas, but having 23 game birds indoors is actually a hellish nightmare.