@Duke1173: They ordered two extra large pizzas at work.
I wonder what everyone else is going to eat.
@aveuaskew: I love arguing with you so much, I'll bring a Ouija board to your funeral.
@jrza84: I guess knocking on random dressing room doors in a department store and asking "hey, can I see how you look?" is frowned upon.
@EliseRose5: Don't be an ass, be an arse. Do it with class.
@ruinedpicnic: [catches spider in a glass]
spider: omg are you going to drink me?
me: oh no this is just to take you outside
spider: drink me
@rickolantern: Kids have so many food allergies these days.
In 15 years you'll be able to rob a bank with a bag of peanuts.