@Duke1173: They ordered two extra large pizzas at work.
I wonder what everyone else is going to eat.
@rockymomax: ME: long time no see! I heard you're a doctor
FRIEND: I am. what do you do now?
ME: [glances down at open twitter app] I'm a writer
@Terdoh: Quit bragging yo. Jesus drove a Honda back in Bible days and said nothing of it.
"For I speak not of my own accord" John 12:49 a.
@moiragallaga: The fact that people use the wrong "your," "there," "it's" and "its" yet spell "Bieber" correctly just kills me.
@Bizarro_Mark: The guy blaring the self help CD at the red light in the rusted car with no bumpers wasn't amused when I said, "I don't think it's working"
@NYC_Blonde: "I hate you but I love you. I miss you but you make me sick. You're wonderful but get away from me" -My love letter to carbs