@Duke1173: They ordered two extra large pizzas at work.
I wonder what everyone else is going to eat.
@Reverend_Scott: Sorry I said "What is it?" when you showed me your baby.
@OBiiieeee: First day as a drug dealer. Made a ton of sales. Boy are people forgetful, they all left their wallets at home.Gonna be rich tomorrow though
@truegritrumble: GUY WHO INVENTED JACK-O-LANTERNS: I bet this gourd would be cooler if it looked like it wanted to murder me.
@Ideal_Victoria: It's official... My voice is incapable of making, "Thanks. I appreciate that" not sound sarcastic.
@Twtercide: Me: I'm gonna shower.
Him: Pics or it didn't happen.
*takes pic of hair in drain