@KelgoreTrout: the guy who named the spatula was so lazy. hes like "what should i call this thing that spatulas?"

@T_Bonezzz: When I go shopping I like to buy condoms and cat food at the same time just to confuse the cashier

@amfmpm: dry skin? flaky scalp? discoloration? scaling? tongue bifurcating all by itself? hissing? legs fusing together? recently evicted a gypsy?

@batkaren: I'm on the steak diet. You just have four steaks for breakfast, four for lunch, then a sensible dinner of six steaks.

@heyevergreen: Dance like nobody's watching. Sing like nobody's listening. Walk around the party eating the cheeseball like an apple.