@TheDairylandDon: They say drugs will hurt your long term memory but I kind of take pride in needing to Google the proper spelling of "Bieber" every damn time
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@AmishPornStar1: Financial Tip: When laundering money, always separate the bills from the coins and use the delicate cycle with a gentle detergent.
@robfee: ♫ Cause the players gonna play play play The haters gonna hate hate hate Baby Im just gonna bottle it all up & develop severe trust issues ♫
@NotGaryBusey: I love when people say "If people hate you, it only means you're doing something right." Because that's what Hitler would say.
@murrman5: [first day as funeral director] this is the dress she wants to be buried in "It's very pretty but we highly suggest a coffin"