@bigmacher: They say 'No news is good news,' but I think it just means I have a lazy paperboy.
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@RealGorillaNips: Officer: Do you know you have a blinker out? Me: Yes, officer. Officer: When did you plan on getting that fixed? Me: 2005
@dafloydsta: [at a funeral] *approaches the weeping widow and embraces her* *whispers* "So you're single now, right?
@ryaninco: The neighbors yard smells like weed. I'm glad those seeds I threw over the fence are starting to grow.