@YoungNobler: They should make custom Starbucks cards that say, "I wouldn't normally be buying your coffee, but I got this gift card."
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@Dirty_Naomi: Teaching your dog to fetch a beer is smart. Fetching it from the neighbours house is genius.
@robdelaney: I #respectfully #trot when you let me cross the street in front of you. I salute the #power of the automobile.
@BlackCatBettie: If you have a horse and you didn't name it Edgar Allan Pony, we can't be friends.
@OldSpookMan: A homeless guy asked me "would you give me $5 for a sandwich?" I said "I don't know man, show me the sandwich first."