@YoungNobler: They should make custom Starbucks cards that say, "I wouldn't normally be buying your coffee, but I got this gift card."
YOU MIGHT ALSO LIKE
@LisaMcAlister1: There's an opening for a scapegoat at our office. I think you'd be perfect for the job.
@Tommytoughstuff: [the cops release the cadaver sniffing dogs into my living room for the third time this week] ME: *pauses netflix* I told you I'm not dead!
@slimmy_shady: Wife smelled eggs and thought I was bringing her breakfast in bed. How do I tell her it was just me with gas?!
@Snarfernini: I never trust a Tom. They are far too often involved in foolery or peeping for my liking.