@JElvisWeinstein: They're calling the Patriot thing "Deflategate?" I was hoping they'd go with "Ball-o-caust."
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@DaddyJew: 5: daddy can I tell you a secret? Me: sure thing buddy 5: *grabs my face and whispers* I just pooped and I didn't wash my hands
@randomlawless: When you get to my age, your milkshake still brings boys to the yard, but they're like "I'm lactose intolerant."