@JElvisWeinstein: They're calling the Patriot thing "Deflategate?" I was hoping they'd go with "Ball-o-caust."
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@TheBoydP: The best thing about being an accountant is that everyone assumes you’re not a psychopath.
@bossy_bootz: Everyone's an atheist until they're making a phone call & praying it goes to voicemail
@Phantasmagoriax: If you ever want to watch a women feel herself up for ten minutes, hide her cellphone.
@Crutnacker: Biden: Trump's sons were nice Obama: Considering you called them the Menendez brothers all day B: Uday and Qusay?