@JElvisWeinstein: They're calling the Patriot thing "Deflategate?" I was hoping they'd go with "Ball-o-caust."
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@bobvulfov: [standing at the hospital nursery window with other new parents] ME: this zoo is terrible
@ch000ch: i tried to ask a girl out today but i messed up my words and accidentally summoned a demon. anyway, whats a good first date for a demon
@SassyTxGirl83: Just saw two homeless men hitting each other with pieces of cardboard..... Pillow fight
@SunshineJarboly: "Oh sure, they can eat their own poop, no problem. They just CAN'T eat chocolate. It'll kill them." - God inventing dogs.