@Manda_like_wine: What's the proper salutation to use when writing a resignation letter to your children?
@AlexRogaski: [Me as 911 Operator]
*phone rings*
I wait for it to stop ringing and text back "what's up"
@lisaxy424: Anyone: I'm cold
Me: Get a sweatshirt or something I'm not your mother
Dog: *shivers once*
Me: I WILL USE MY BODY HEAT TO KEEP YOU ALIVE
@GreenishDuck: Sure I'll eat square slices of pizza, but I'm thinking of triangular ones the whole time.
@blade_funner: Me: It's ok if they stay a little damp
Automatic hand dryer: I SHALL DRIVE THE WATER FROM YOUR VERY BONES
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