@TheTweetOfGod: Things will never get better until you make the conscious decision to lower your standards.
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@Manda_like_wine: What's the proper salutation to use when writing a resignation letter to your children?
@AlexRogaski: [Me as 911 Operator] *phone rings* I wait for it to stop ringing and text back "what's up"
@lisaxy424: Anyone: I'm cold Me: Get a sweatshirt or something I'm not your mother Dog: *shivers once* Me: I WILL USE MY BODY HEAT TO KEEP YOU ALIVE
@GreenishDuck: Sure I'll eat square slices of pizza, but I'm thinking of triangular ones the whole time.