@david8hughes: [at the gun store] Me: I'll take that gun & a box of ammo Clerk: that'll be $250 Me [with a gun & a box of ammo]: no

@_Water_Baby: I would rather see my husband with another woman in his arms than a hammer in his hand.

@KalvinMacleod: Baby elephants migrate hundreds of miles to find water. My 6 year old is lying on the floor of the mall because I made him walk from the car

@iRandumbs: If I learned anything from Forest Gump it's that people who love to run are retarded.

@LetGoBeFreeDoU: *Throws Pizza party *B.Y.O.Pizza *Gather All the pizza's *Kicks everyone out.