@gracehelbig: Think bobcats prefer to be called robertcats?
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@aLunchBox: I hate when fire trucks drive real slow with the siren on. There's one behind me right now. So annoying.
@PaperWash: me: just tell me I don't die in an Arby's bathroom stall Death: [sadly looking up from his book] look, what matters is how you lived
@daneZie: *gets caught breaking into used car lot* *desperately attempts to blend in with inflatable arm flailing tube men*
@slimmy_shady: When I was having an affair with twins, people used to ask how I told them apart. Well, Sue had brown eyes and Steve had a moustache.