@MrSandeepP: This alphabet soup that I spilled on the floor is still more coherent than most Pitbull lyrics.
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@simoncholland: You think you have a pretty strong marriage until you try to help your 5th grader with her math homework together.
@rachelle_mandik: New friend: want 2 go tanning w/me tmrw? Me: ok. sounds fun. idk where 2 get cowhides. do u?
@TheCiscoKidder: Mom: Some stranger keeps answering your land line. Me: That's because I haven't had a land line in 7 years, Ma.