@Tmoney68: This baby at McDonalds may have started the screaming competition, but I guarantee I'm going to win it.
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@KevinFarzad: I carry a rolled up yoga mat so people think I'm fit but really it's just a great way to hold 2 footlong meatball subs.
@Just_Lee_: My crush said he made his phone keys sticky thinking of me so I dumped him. I'm disgusted. What kind of loser still has keys on his phone?
@DaddyJew: I'm like a mouse. If u give a mouse a cookie hes gonna want some milk. If u gimme a beer im gonna want some nachos. Plus we both like cheese
@theshamingofjay: "Sit" dog sits "Down" dog lays down on floor "Play Dead" dog graduates college, finds job, gets married and has kids