@YesThatAmy: This chick at Walgreens is totally hitting on me. What's your name? What's your address? Do you have any questions for the pharmacist?
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@Playing_Dad: [At job interview] Interviewer: So tell me why you want this job. Me: I have no money and I prefer when I have money.
@R_A_Dadass: My wife has been binge watching episodes of snapped, so I cancelled my life insurance policy, and haven't slept or eaten in days.
@jwoodham: If your building doesn't have an elevator and you don't live on the first floor, we can't date. I'm looking for a relationship, not a gym.
@SortaBad: [turns to guy at next urinal] "When the Little Mermaid became human how did she know how to use a toilet? BIG-TIME plot hole in my opinion"