@YesThatAmy: This chick at Walgreens is totally hitting on me. What's your name? What's your address? Do you have any questions for the pharmacist?
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@thongbeard: Just texted her "thanks for choking on me" I meant "checking" but kinda curious what the response is gonna be.
@Home_Halfway: ME: How much for this aggressive bottle of water? FIREFIGHTER: Sir that's a hydrant
@Birdhumms: Growing up couldn't wait to have a room of my own and do whatever I liked. So why did I end up doing the exact opposite by getting married?