@BigBec43: This cop is driving so fast it's like he's trying to keep up with me
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@InternetHippo: [greeting aliens] Hello, we are the smartest animals on this planet. Every week we give the grass a little haircut
@iMikosnyc: Tonite on House Hunters: Jill wants 4 bedrooms, granite countertops and a home spa. Bob wants to be stabbed in the driveway.
@AngelaEhh: This liquid diet crap is a scam. I've been drinking beer since last Tuesday and I'm still fat.
@handsock_butts: [Amphibian Playground] BULLFROG: look at all u lil toad nerds TOAD: help! a BULLYfrog! TEACHER SNAKE: i'll handle this *eats everyone*