@BigBec43: This cop is driving so fast it's like he's trying to keep up with me
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@KenJennings: My son just told me he wouldn't kill baby Hitler b/c of what that would do to the space program. Not 100% sure if he's a Nazi or just a nerd
@Mr_Kapowski: "Get your poop in a group" is a childish way of saying "get your shit together" but I prefer my take of "gather the pieces of your feces"
@FatherWithTwins: *young woman walks by Wife: Wow, she looks really good, don't you think? Me: NO WAY, I'M NOT GOING TO FALL FOR THAT