@BigBec43: This cop is driving so fast it's like he's trying to keep up with me
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@DurtMcHurtt: Sorry I changed your ringtone to Salt-N-Pepa's "push it" and called you a bunch of times during your colonoscopy.
@KenJennings: People you mute should stay in your TL but with a piece of tape over their avatar mouth and their tweets all like "Mmmp mm mmmph rf mph."
@mantej: God was truly looking out for me today — I opened a bag of air and found a few Lay’s potato chips inside.