@BigBec43: This cop is driving so fast it's like he's trying to keep up with me
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@PhilJamesson: Bad Cop: The proof is in the pudding. Good Cop: Stop putting all our evidence in pudding. Why do you keep putting our evidence in pudding?
@OhNoSheTwitnt: My mom just texted me to say that her dog killed 2 groundhogs in her backyard this morning so I think she may be doing Groundhog Day wrong.
@FrenulumBreve: Me:[grabbing my guitar] i wrote this for you. Her: awww. Me:*pulls note out of guitar hole* "we're out of cereal."