@BigBec43: This cop is driving so fast it's like he's trying to keep up with me
YOU MIGHT ALSO LIKE
@thenatewolf: *Chooses paper towels instead of the hand dryer right as a tree walks into the bathroom*
@JohnLyonTweets: I've never literally been tortured but I have walked behind old people when I was in a hurry.
@RealSamHarwood: I shouted "the blue Subaru with an Obama sticker left its lights on!" at Mt. Bachelor and had the *entire* hill to myself for an hour
@AndyAsAdjective: BOSS: I need to see you in my office ME: *I begrudgingly take off my invisibility cloak* oh alright