@OhNoSheTwitnt: This creepy guy at work calls me "hun" despite knowing my real name so I've started calling him Mulan.
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@Thynebear: *cop approaches me* "have u seen this girl?" *holds up photo* "yeah I've seen her, NAKED" *hi-5* "haha but seriously shes in my trunk"
@doktorj: As an only child with a pet cat that bullied me, the pool cleaning robot was my closest friend.