@HiddenPinky: "This does not bode well." - a guy at the returns desk, explaining why he's returning a boder.
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@SatansTongue: *Ohio State coach* Boys, I know how we're gonna beat the Oregon Ducks "How coach" With our secret weapon *pulls out a loaf of bread*
@Tommytoughstuff: *Looks around nervously* The steam from my pasta is ungluing my chest hair toupee and the other mafia bosses are taking notice.
@drumforge: yeah sex is cool but have you tried washing your dishes right after you use them so they never pile up in the sink???
@pizzajaynow: She asked me to buy Tampons so I bought Kotex, because that one time I wanted ice cream and she bought frozen yogurt.