@shariv67: This Dollar Store thesaurus sure is coming in...
@NoticablyBacon: The most confusing thing about living with a girl is how much hair they shed. How does her hair look so good? How isnt she bald?
@DanOverHere: -Boss: "Send me one of your funny tweets"
-Me: "I'm working at the moment, I'll send you one later"
-Boss: "Hahaha! Send me another one."
@trojansauce: [after raking leaves into a pile on my lawn]
ME: ah, perfect. these leaves are all tidy and there is nothing that can change this
@RickAaron: I have no idea what Steampunk is except that it must be healthier than Fried Punk.
@Shen_the_Bird: hagrid: you're a wizard harry
harry: I'm a what?
hagrid: a wizard
harry: (thought he said lizard at first) oh ok that's cool too I guess