@shariv67: This Dollar Store thesaurus sure is coming in...
@Ideal_Victoria: I really hope that people are staring at me because they think I'm pretty and not because I slipped on ice and into a parked car.
@SuperJuanderer: Me: your parents named you that?
@BlindChow: "That'll be $19.94."
*pulls out $50 bill*
"Sorry, we've had a problem with counterfeit bills. Have anything smaller?"
*pulls out $25 bill*
@biatchppplease: My 6 yr old just asked if I'm a happy wife.. her cover is blown I think she might be working for the other side
@hannalee_slc: I just googled "jokes to tell right before you die" and if that doesn't tell you what kind of person I am, I don't know what does.