@Crunk_Jews: This drunk guy in the mirror thinks he can beat me in a dance off but I totally embarrassed him in front of the whole women's bathroom.
YOU MIGHT ALSO LIKE
@BruceForce: When I see a door with the sign 'Door Alarmed' I always tell the door "don't worry, it's only me" ~ It's all about the empathy.
@QueenKillerBee: Tried my hand at this whole 'cougar' business but I just don't like the taste of hikers. It's possible I read the wrong Wikipedia page.
@Brentweets: Chipotle has been hacked for an hour and hasn't noticed... Taylor Swift was hacked and wrote an album about it 30 seconds after.
@sixfootcandy: Me: Mmm...I love your milky white skin. Him: Ma'am are you registered for this class? Me: Yes Him: Step away from the CPR doll and sit down.