@Crunk_Jews: This drunk guy in the mirror thinks he can beat me in a dance off but I totally embarrassed him in front of the whole women's bathroom.
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@paigeofmylife2: My original account got suspended for aggressive behavior and they haven't even seen me in bed yet.
@SteveSuckington: I rented this bobcat to help me dig up my new pool but he won't even hold the shovel. He's just eating all the neighborhood squirrels.
@Kyle_Lippert: "Trump is a good businessman" He has a failed steak biz, a failed vodka biz & failed casinos. HOW DO YOU SCREW UP STEAK, VODKA & GAMBLING
@hayes_t_r: Chemists do tell jokes, but there's no reaction because all their people skills Argon. Omg, that's Sodium funny, right? Na? Okay.