@Sarcasticsapien: This election feels like Tim Burton was writing and directing it and halfway through Quentin Tarantino took over.
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@hazelmotes1: *gets fired the first day on the job as an EMT for trying to cook a frozen burrito with the defibrillator*
@Mr_Kapowski: [calls wife from store] "Are you in more of a frolicking or jumping in the air mood? There's so many tampon choices"
@Reverend_Scott: [Applebees on Christmas] God: Enjoy your meal? Jesus: Ya, I- [a crowd of servers surrounds them] Jesus: You didn't... HAPPY BIRTHDAY TO Y