@TheToddWilliams: This forest scent air freshener is really working. Three elk have moved into my living room.
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@girl_a_whirl: His icy glare melts my creamy core. He's so cold, beads of water drip down his exterior. My walls ache to be drowned by him. -Oreo to milk
@withanewname: Neighbor: It's July, you need to take down the xmas lights. Me: It's no worse than your stupid yard gnome. Neighbor: That's my wife.
@JermHimselfish: Your hands aren't tied down when you're at the dentist, you're allowed to put your hands in his mouth too.