@TheToddWilliams: This forest scent air freshener is really working. Three elk have moved into my living room.
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@iwearaonesie: me: I bet other husbands don't get put in timeout! wife: I bet they don't put their mother-in-law's phone number on a Craigslist ad either!
@kumailn: It's fine to eat chicken with skin but serve beef with skin and everybody just starts freaking out.
@sara_ashlynn: My son kneed himself on the trampoline. *black eye forming Me: Son, we need to come up with a better story than this.