@COCAVELI: This generation sucks but does it swallow
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@lovemydogduck: The only times I go for a jog is when there's a cute guy in front of me or a creepy guy behind me.
@duumb: [kidnapper asking for ransom] pay by 6 pm or i start sending u his fingers [gf trying to unlock my phone] can u start with his right thumb
@skittle624: Just took my 3 dogs to the vet, so the family will be feasting on ramen noodles, beans, and no name chips for the next few months. At least the dogs are taken care of.