@mattwhitlockPM: This girl tweeted "You might be ghetto if you bring outside food into the movies." ...No, you might be stupid if you pay 4.99 for Skittles.
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@bananagrvyrd: Just spent 5 minutes waving my hands in front of a manual paper towel dispenser if anyone needs someone to take their SAT exam for them.
@djdarrellripley: Ooo! The morning weather girl... Come on baby, give daddy the five day forecast.
@crylenol: I crunched the numbers and this is just incredible. what isn't he telling us. #Sharknado3
@WilliamAder: A woman at work told me I look younger with my glasses off. I told her she looked younger with my glasses off, too.