@Try2StopME: This guy at the gym just did 3 sets of selfies.
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@ericsshadow: DOCTOR: [holding $5 bill] what's this for? ME: it's a tip DOCTOR: okay but you're still dying ME: [hands him another $5 bill]
@007Rex_Inc: M: Come to bed... Her: I have a headache M: You're a robot! H: M: H: ...SELF DESTRUCT [BOOM] M: Nice try but you're still under warranty!
@TheCatWhisprer: Just Friends is my favorite movie that shows fat guys how to get out of the friendzone through perseverance and becoming Ryan Reynolds.