@retardedwriter: This guy texting in metro besides me keeps covering his phone, like I care about his dinner plans in CP with his girlfrnd "Shona baby"
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@meganamram: Just heard about this teacher who had sex with her student. Another reason I won't send MY dog to obedience school
@jenstatsky: A guy who wears a ring is always a dealbreaker. If it's on his ring finger, he's married. If it's not, he's a guy who wears rings.
@amselts: Instead of expecting your wife to make you dinner every night like it's 1950, man up and develop a cocaine habit so you don't need to eat.
@realHamOnWry: You can lead a horse to water, but you have to work really, really hard to get him up on water skis.