@retardedwriter: This guy texting in metro besides me keeps covering his phone, like I care about his dinner plans in CP with his girlfrnd "Shona baby"
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@joe_binkley: Chopped: College Edition. "In your mystery basket: Ramen Noodles, coffee, crippling debt, a worthless degree. Chefs, you have 30 minutes."
@dance_blessed: Lust is not real love and Domino's is not real pizza but both are fine when you're drunk.
@julie2288: 90% of parenting is giving up the last fried cheese stick to your kid and pretending you're OK with it.
@Classy_Cassy89: My closet should be on Hoarders. Fell in looking for second shoe. 45 minutes later I had to cut my left arm off with a plastic hanger.