@RobDenBleyker: This Independence Day please remember that fireworks are not a toy, they are meant to be aimed at the nearest British ship.
YOU MIGHT ALSO LIKE
@DontDraketheIce: Detective: how were u able to do it? Serial Killer: thanks to the flexibility of Uber. I was able to work my own hours and still murder
@david8hughes: [parole hearing] "What will u do if released?" "Kill everyone on the jury." "What?" "Buy everyone jewellery." "Aw. Granted."
@SalmaElWardany1: Watching Grey's Anatomy teaches me that if I'm really sad, I should walk slowly down a corridor to a Snow Patrol track.