@DRusso97: This is hilarious....
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@: teacher: your son was caught smoking pot me: did he say where he got it? teacher: yes, his best friend me: [tearing up] he really said that?
@SCBamaMan: The Three Hole Punch either sounds like an awesome karate move or an awful bedroom experience.
@SondraDeeMe: [party] ME: You're out of shrimp. HOST: That was fast. I'll get more. BF: Where are your manners? ME: Under the heap of shrimp in my purse.
@amydillon: I'm going to donate these clothes I don't wear anymore to charity after I drive them around in the trunk of my car for eight months.