@delusions_of: This is my salad fork. That's my dinner fork. This is my lasagna shovel.
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@EvansPosts: this girl was just sitting on the floor at the gym on her phone and she looked up at me and said “my boyfriend can see my location and i promised him i was gonna go to the gym more so now i just sit here and watch netflix” LMAOOOOO
@Book_Krazy: [Therapist appt.] Hub: She doesn't have her priorities straight. *Me on FaceTime with a petting zoo in the background* "That's not true"
@OfficeofSteve: The wife wants me to be a doctor in our sex role playing. So I guess I'll make her wait an hour, then send her to a specialist