@delusions_of: This is my salad fork. That's my dinner fork. This is my lasagna shovel.
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@behindyourback: Let he who is without sin throw the first stone. After that we'll go by who has the birthday closest to today, then by height.
@LoneWolfStories: If I'm your emergency contact, for your sake, I hope that hospital sends texts too.
@SortaBad: My neighbors hurt some bystanders by illegally setting off fireworks. If only there had been a good guy with fireworks around to stop them