@jonnysun: this is ur captain. sory for descending thru another cloud but ralph told me it was posible to land on one of these things so we keep trying
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@KalvinMacleod: Day 3 of weight loss challenge: all my coworkers look like tacos. I do not understand how the meat remains in the shell as they walk around.
@dubstep4dads: [first date] her: so, tell me about yourself! me: well, im not good with dates her: but you're doing fine! me: christmas is on september 3rd
@SortaBad: My college girlfriend texted me for the first time in 10 years this weekend and I'm 1 million percent sure this is Adele's fault