@briangaar: THIS KID'S GOT MY VOTE
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@DecantAndPour: I can tell if someone's uncomfortable around me just by staring at them for 3 hours.
@CatherineLMK: "Remember that man you met for 5 seconds when you were 2 months old? Let me catch you up on his medical history" -my relatives
@squirrel74wkgn: One time, I pulled my pants down to moon someone & accidentally opened the car door instead of the window & rolled down the street naked.
@MikeCanRant: Summer Safety Tip: Before swimming in the ocean, cover yourself in gluten to lower the chances of being eaten by health conscious sharks.