@thatUPSdude: This made me laugh and that's all we need some days.
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@patrickmarkryan: On a positive note, once Trump becomes president and burns the world to the ground, our student loan debt is essentially wiped clean
@davedittell: *takes load of groceries off of old woman's hands* these are mine now you old prune
@batkaren: [1st date] "I'm really into roll playing," I tell her with a wink, and make two pieces of complimentary bread pretend to kiss.