@ToneLoaf: This Male Order Bride is the worst and most expensive typo I've ever paid for.
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@RidiculousSheri: "Shelley's coming over." "Shelley from work or Shelley who was raised by gorillas?" *gets hit in the face with poop*
@nbadag: WIFE: please come out of there so we can talk ME: [from cardboard box] i'm sorry come out of where? WIFE: [sigh] please exit the spacecraft
@david8hughes: [at the mall] "I've lost my son. Can you make an announcement for me?" "Sure, what's his name?" "Xander." "See, that's why he ran off."
@Parkerlawyer: 5,"So we don't get to open any presents today?" Me, "No." 5, "So basically Thanksgiving is just Christmas for your tummy, right?"