@WheelTod: This may be not be a mainstream opinion, but I don't believe you should cut down a Christmas tree unless you intend on eating it.
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@LeBearGirdle: Boss: [to coworker] print out that document, and in the meantime- Me: [from the other end of the office] DID SOMEONE SAY MEAN TIME?! boss: oh God Me: [stands up on Barbs desk] your kids are ugly as shit, Barb!
@CelebrityChez: Keep your friends close, your enemies closer, your pets in tupperware, your grandad in a crockpot and your mother in law in a ziplock bag.
@SirEviscerate: Ugh, I'm starting to regret getting bangs. "You don't have bangs." Wait, what's that thing you get when a bat bites you? "Rabies?" That's it