@SteveMartinToGo: This might be my ego talking, but I feel my weight-loss spambot followers care about me. They really, really, do.
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@Jacksawyerr: If I got kidnapped I'd continuously sing Pitbull songs until they kill me, I'd die but at least they'd suffer too.
@mommywhitfield: *Toddler walks up, kisses my knee, turns away* "Aw! Aren't you sweet?" *Toddler kisses refrigerator, cabinet door and dishwasher* "Oh."
@girlposts: Trump: Can I get past Biden: What's the password Trump: I don't know Biden: Losers says what Trump: What Obama: JOE