@SteveMartinToGo: This might be my ego talking, but I feel my weight-loss spambot followers care about me. They really, really, do.
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@Midgetspar: On a scale from 1 to 10 I tell people they're an 11. It's a fun way to let them know they don't exist and they take it as a compliment.
@thetobbie: Dudes, how can we keep track of how long it's been since we've been on a date? I mean, women can just measure their leg hair...
@rickkondell: There is a piece of aluminum foil blowing across the road and all I can think is that one of you is without your protective headgear today.