@werna_: This never gets old
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@internetluke: *as girl walks in* 98, 99, *grunts* 100 "Wow, push-ups?" Uhm, no? Just learning to count.
@SteveSuckington: [high school reunion] "Hey aren't u the kid who used to lie and throw people under the bus all the time?" No that was Tyler.
@carlyken: [The Twitter Breakdown of 2015] Angry mobs storm the streets, forcing clever wordplay down the throats of unsuspecting, innocent bystanders