@werna_: This never gets old
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@Dorkstress: Cop: Ma'am, what's in the bottle? Me: Just some water. Cop: Ma'am that's wine... Me: Jesus did it again!!
@ItsAndyRyan: "How would you describe the woman who attacked you?" *Describes mother* *Gets a copy of picture* *Gives it to mum as late birthday present*
@VeganZebra: [after putting a fake mustache on an elephant] FRIEND: You seen my elephant? ME: no FRIEND: [eyeing elephant] Maybe this fine gentleman has