@MaryKoCo: This outfit is called Running Into Someone I Know Would Be The Ultimate Worst Thing That Could Happen
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@CakeThrottle: If you own a small, anti-Kindle bookstore and it's not called Page Against the Machine, just give up.
@KalvinMacleod: 911 what's the emergency? "How do u unburn pizza?" U burnt a pizza "Yes" I'll send a squad car "Ok will they help?" No ur under arrest
@JONOCOYOTE: [crime scene] •detective flips open pocket watch• Hmmm...precisely what I thought "What's that sir" •closes watch• It's lunch time
@jonnysun: there was a girl on tv show who was crying sayin "i miss america" and it was real sad until someone corected her grammar and gave her a sash