@MaryKoCo: This outfit is called Running Into Someone I Know Would Be The Ultimate Worst Thing That Could Happen
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@msbtx: Coworker: I like working with you. I feel like I can really talk to you Me: I'm sorry I gave you that impression. That's not correct
@lemonmartinis: Dear people who question why girls go to the bathroom together - Hermione went alone and got attacked by a troll
@SirEviscerate: [Lab] Co-worker: "Where's all the microscope oil and acetic acid?" Me: (with a mouthful of salad topped with vinaigrette) I dunno.
@Reverend_Scott: [on date] Ok, don't let her know ur a vampire. Her: I think I'll have a steak. A STAKE?? [turns into bat and flies away]