@WillSaysStuff: This post-pregnant lady found the perfect way to shed her baby-belly by giving birth! Scientists and non-pregnant ladies HATE her!!!
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@PaulSchissler: People are lot less judgey when you say you ate an 'avocado salad' instead of a bowl of guacamole
@MarfSalvador: Friend: Be adventurous in the bedroom, girls love that [Later in bedroom] Me: You like that? *Lays another bear trap* You like that babe?
@dhumann: You can tell a lot about a person just by noticing how they continue to talk after you've sighed six or seven times.
@weinerdog4life: I scream, you scream, we all scream, while I'm crawling under the bathroom stall to say hi to you.