@RealSudoNim: This relationship is over. Over. ~dumping someone via walkie talkie.
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@Ygrene: [Murderer in the middle of murdering me] Can you put your phone down for 2 seconds while I'm murdering you I mean really
@stockejock: Pretty much the most frightening part of my day is when I get a notification that my mother has tagged me in a post on Facebook.
@mrsjohngoodman: I ran over someone and now there's a bunch of flowers where it happened. It's like, I came back to apologize, not be lavished with gifts