@LMGinTN: This skinny girl just told me she "forgets" to eat? Is that possible? I just licked her face in case it's contagious.
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@ryan9billion: I liked watching squirrel soap operas unfold in my backyard right up until the damn neighbor cat murdered all the actors.
@SCbchbum: If horror movies have taught me anything, it's lock up your butcher knives if your child addresses you as "mother" or "father."
@Prof_Hinkley: I was doing CPR on a co-worker for 5 minutes before someone told me that's just how she laughs