@ConanOBrien: This summer, camp counselors all over the country will shine flashlights under their chins and read the headlines.
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@ozzyunc: "I want to get drunk in public." "Me too but on pancake batter." "If only there was a way to solve both problems." -The Origin of Eggnog
@solommb: My car has the innate super power of knowing when I have any extra money and spontaneously breaking down.
@jergarl: One time a giant spider crawled up my sleeve. Ironically, that's also the day I learned karate on a ladder.