@ConanOBrien: This summer, camp counselors all over the country will shine flashlights under their chins and read the headlines.
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@aveuaskew: If you speak like Fat Albert throughout the entire exam, doctors will prescribe whatever you want.
@Sarcasticsapien: Father's Day is a great time to give your father a tie so he can look extra nice at the job he settled for because you were born.
@jwoodham: "You have a date? With who?" [Sees a fishing boat] "Uh, her name is Net..." [Sees someone with a booger] "Flicks! Net Flicks! Wait. Dammit."
@stockejock: Grandma, stop asking people what they're supposed to be for Halloween-this is Walmart.