@ConanOBrien: This summer, camp counselors all over the country will shine flashlights under their chins and read the headlines.
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@5hael: My ceiling fan has three setting: - very slow - slow - I'm about to detach from the ceiling and kill you in a freak ceiling fan accident
@PetrickSara: [Married pillow-talk] Husband: What's your deepest fantasy? Me: That when our kids eat dinner they don't leave any crumbs under the table.
@stephenjmolloy: Doctor: "I'm afraid you have loser says what disease." Me: "What?" Doctor: "lol" Me: "Is it serious?" Doctor: "What?" Me: "lol"