@michelleisawolf: This weekend is daylight savings time, which means the clock on my microwave will be right again.
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@KKAlThani: Autocorrect just changed "what are your plans" to "plants". Yes autocorrect, I'm curious if they're growing roses or sunflowers?
@ficklenuts: “Everybody loves us weird girls, right up until we start doing weird girl shit,” I say to my cat, as we watch a documentary about serial killers in our matching onesies.
@vladchoc: And on the eighth day, God let the dogs out. And there was much confusion among the Baha Men.
@waydybee: whenever someone i know introduces me to someone else i say, "oh, this is the one u were talking about" &watch the awkward stares!