@TheTweetOfGod: This year's Christmas must-haves? Food, water and shelter! #theclassics
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@Mr_Kapowski: *hears a loud noise outside of bedroom door at night* *wife reaches over* "Honey- WHERE ARE YOU?" *already locked myself in the bathroom*
@JennyJohnsonHi5: Kim Kardashian's birthday is today AND she got engaged to Kanye West! It's almost like it was made for TV! Wait....
@ibid78: Dating tip: to impress your date, put a napkin on your lap. Along with your plate. And the table. And the waiter. You're now the restaurant.