@TheTweetOfGod: This year's Christmas must-haves? Food, water and shelter! #theclassics
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@heatherlou_: My house is clean so please don't eat or drink or come by or let my child come home.
@Adam14: Me to 2yo: Hey bud, what are you having for breakfast? Sausage? Eggs? Hash browns? Oh... 8 forkfulls of ketchup? Good job!
@casual_koala: Don't get upset if you hit a lot of red lights on your way to work. You'd turn red too if you had to change in the middle of the street.