@AristotlesNZ: Those of you wondering what its like to be married: Just found out this morning I'm on day 3 of an argument I didn't know I was having...
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@lisaxy424: My parents have been together for 40 years, and I don't even like seeing the same cashier twice in a row at the grocery store.
@PaperWash: doctor looking at his iPad: oh no, this isn't good ... Me: give it to me straight doc what is it doctor: well, I forgot my wifi password
@saxbot: 9 out of 10 people agree that it's weird to stand on top of the toilet and ask them survey questions over the stall wall.
@WhiskeyandMeds: It's all fun and games until HR sends an email with "Your Twitter Account" in the subject line.