@BlindChow: Though he came from a long line of spoons, Sammy Spork always noticed a slight resemblance to Mom's friend Frank, the fork living next door.
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@AngryRaccoon2: 14: Wanna play a game? 12: Sure! 14: Do an impression of Mom 12: Oh that's easy 14: WITHOUT SWEARING 12: Forget it. The end.
@hipstermermaid: "The Shining" is my favorite documentary about what happens when you don't have an Internet connection.
@perfect_messs: Me: Can't remember what I said 2 seconds ago. Also me: Remembers verbatim our 37 min conversation about belly button lint from 5 yrs ago.
@stephenjmolloy: Chameleon wife: "Does my bum look big in this dress?" Chameleon husband: "What dress? Where are you?"