@BlindChow: Though he came from a long line of spoons, Sammy Spork always noticed a slight resemblance to Mom's friend Frank, the fork living next door.
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@TheToddWilliams: [blind date] HER: I filled up on nuts ME: I guess you bit off more than you... cashew HER: Gesundheit ME: I think I love you
@AskBellaWagner: When someone says "It is what it is," I reply, "Isn't it?" so we can both sound useless.
@pleatedjeans: [spider confronting me] him: yo did you steal my coat? me: [wearing 8-sleeved coat] no this is mine